Best Supporting Actor
• Who will win: Eddie Murphy – Dreamgirls
• Who should win: Todd Louiso – Snakes on a Plane
Here’s another win for Dreamgirls, and another reason to want to spit in Oscar’s golden face. And it’s Eddie Murphy. That guy hasn’t been worth watching since he decided cashing big cheques was a higher priority than being funny. You don’t need to look further than Norbit (or “I dusted off those fat suits from the Nutty Professor movies because I needs me another mansion”) to see proof of how much of a sellout Murphy is. The person who should win this category isn’t even nominated. Sure, Snakes on a Plane was a terrible movie, but Louiso made it all worth while. When I saw the shy music nerd from High Fidelity playing a snake specialist who had the best line in the whole movie: “time is tissue,” I lost it. He stole the show. Samuel L. Jackson’s “muthafuckin” had nothing on that.
Best Supporting Actress
• Who will win: Jennifer Hudson – Dreamgirls
• Who should win: Anyone other than Jennifer Hudson
Seriously, fuck Dreamgirls. What a load of studio tripe. Beyonce’s corporate songwriters and expensive costumes does not a great movie make, except if you’re the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, it seems. I really don’t care who wins this category, as long as it isn’t Jennifer Hudson, the American Idol failure who signed with a good agent. Fuck Dreamgirls.
Documentary
• Who will win: An Inconvenient Truth
• Who should win: Jesus Camp
I know that everyone feels An Inconvenient Truth is a very important documentary, but doesn’t using that as a reason it should win just end up proving the sad fact that the Oscars are more about political statements than art? Jesus Camp was a better, more focused documentary about a more sensitive subject that less people care about right now, so it doesn’t win? Bullshit. If people want to save the Earth for their children, they should also be concerned about how those children are being educated and indoctrinated. But Hollywood is more concerned about stepping on the wrong toes than it is about what film is the most deserving.
Best Foreign Language Film
• Who will win: Pan’s Labyrinth
• Who should win: Water… I guess
Why didn’t I cover this category back on Thursday? I really don’t care about who wins this. And it’s not because they’re foreign language films; it’s because none of the films catch me as particularly interesting. I guess this is a bad draft year for Hollywood.
Animated Feature
• Who will win: Cars
• Who should win: [Insert Latest Pixar Movie Here]
This is such a forgone conclusion. The Oscar always goes to Pixar’s yearly fish-out-of-water discovers the true meaning of life cookie-cutter feature. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had computers writing the scripts for them at this point: insert comic relief here, damsel in distress there, and cap it off with a big musical number that usually gets nominated for Original Song. Speaking of which…
Original Song
• Who will win: That song from An Inconvenient Truth
• Who should win: The Kazakhstan National Anthem from Borat
So let me get this straight: there are five nomination spots, so the academy gives one to Cars for the song about how the Interstate system ruined small-town America, one to that song at the end of An Inconvenient Truth that manages to be even more derivative than the Cars song, and three to Dreamgirls!? For songs that sound exactly the same!? What the fuck is that? They could have left one of those songs out to make way for the real Best Original Song: Borat’s Kazakhstan National Anthem. “All other countries have inferior potassium.” Brilliant.
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