god says: oi
cbattaglia says: hey there
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: ?
god says: u know who i am?
cbattaglia says: sure. you’re the big cheese
god says: lmao, got that right
cbattaglia says: what’s up?
god says: nothing much. u?
cbattaglia says: same
god says: …so, got any questions for me?
cbattaglia says: i guess… is that why you’re talking to me?
god says: sure. lol
cbattaglia says: ok. well, i guess the biggest one right now would be: why are you talking to me?
god says: why not?
cbattaglia says: seems kind of random. i mean, i don’t even believe in you. usually you appear to people who already preach about you 24/7
god says: yeah… i’m kind of tired of those guys. they’re mostly brown-nosers and spin doctors, so i figured i’d try something different today
cbattaglia says: is that why you’re using MSN, instead of the preferred “visions” methods?
god says: how do you know this isn’t just a vision?
cbattaglia says: …touche, god.
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: but seriously, why me: an atheist? why not a Muslim or Buddhist or Hindu?
god says: y would i appear before them? i’m looking for a change here. they already believe in me
cbattaglia says: how so?
god says: at the core, all spiritual beliefs are the same. they’re about knowing deep down that there is something more out there, some sort of presence, and framework, guiding a universe that feels too complex to be random
cbattaglia says: i see, but they all believe different things…
god says: the core is the same, and that core is me. to some, i am more than one being. to others, i have more eyes or limbs. some even believe that i have no physically recognizable form. the interpretations may vary, but my existence is constant
cbattaglia says: ok, but if this is true, why all the fighting in hatred done in your name? it’s kind of pointless if they’re all fighting for the same side
god says: lol, don’t go pinning that on me. and yes, it’s completely pointless. the fact that they commit these atrocities in my name pisses me off to no end
cbattaglia says: then why don’t you stop it?
god says: because that’s not how i roll. i’m not the babysitter of earth, or any of the other planets. the reason i gave u guys free will was so that i wouldn’t have to hold ur hand all the time. i have a life too, y’know
cbattaglia says: ok, makes sense
cbattaglia says: wait… other planets? do those planets have life?
god says: of course! lmao y wouldn’t i put life on other planets? u guys aren’t my 1 special little project. and i must say, u aren’t the best of the bunch, either. not the worst, but…
cbattaglia says: hehe, i bet
god says: anyway, like i was saying, i don’t enjoy being attached to the causes of everyone who craves comfort, power, validation, etc, but i can’t really blame them. false security is the warmest blanket there is. i do hate it when i’m held responsible for nature’s stuff though. that shit is on autopilot. it just works with what it’s given
cbattaglia says: so gays didn’t cause you to make Katrina?
god says: lol no, and what’s with people attaching me to their views on gays? i have no problem with them. what i do have a problem with is my name being used to mask personal insecurities
cbattaglia says: doesn’t it say something in the bible about homosexuality being wrong?
god says: i didn’t write that thing. lol this is what i was talking about earlier: the spin doctors. i may be at the core of all spirituality, but everything that branches off of that isn’t from me
cbattaglia says: i see… so you don’t endorse any “holy” texts?
god says: lmao! NO! do u know how many times those things have been translated, interpreted and re-written to include or exclude certain passages??? i’m pretty sure there’s even a story out there about my son making a trip to Utah. it’s like a plot for a bad teen movie. i don’t even have a son. lol
cbattaglia says: wow. interesting. so jesus wasn’t yours?
god says: …no, and i won’t pay the child support, either. mary’s just trying to cash in on the lie
cbattaglia says: so all of this stuff that happens, everything done in your name, it’s all bullshit?
god says: well, i’ll be honest: no. i do enjoy screwing around with the brown-nosers a bit to see where they’ll take it. like, i’ll appear for some believer all important-sounding with a quest that really has no meaning, and sit back while the drama unfolds. it’s pretty funny
cbattaglia says: that’s a little petty for the almighty, no?
god says: hey, i get bored too. u guys r my tv. lol
god says: if u think that’s bad, u should see what i’ve done to other places…
cbattaglia says: i don’t think i want to know
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: one thing i would like to know, though, is what happens when we die
god says: u die
cbattaglia says: …and?
god says: that’s it
cbattaglia says: oh
god says: lol, don’t worry, reality is a tricky thing. u still technically live on in the hearts and minds of those who knew u, so u’re not completely gone, if u catch my drift
cbattaglia says: i think i do… sort of
god says: lol
god says: i g2g
cbattaglia says: ok, cool, but just so you know: i still don’t believe in you
god says: oh? why not?
cbattaglia says: because our conversation here proves you exist, yet (as referenced by Douglas Adams) you refused to ever do that, because “proof denies faith, and without faith, i am nothing.”
god says: oh, right… lol
*god has signed off
#1 by music on January 7, 2008 - 11:12 pm
very interesting.
i’m adding in RSS Reader
#2 by MAKEY on February 11, 2008 - 2:45 pm
hahah lol nice one ro11z
#3 by ro11z on February 11, 2008 - 2:50 pm
Loving it i so want more its quality
#4 by Inky on February 11, 2008 - 4:34 pm
Interesting. What makes you think God would use AOL speak, though? If someone could spell without using hideous spelling of words, I’m sure God could.
#5 by jaji on February 11, 2008 - 5:57 pm
mes conversations ne sont pas nettes
#6 by charmaine on February 12, 2008 - 1:25 am
hi
#7 by Scroobious Pip on February 12, 2008 - 8:06 am
You stole this from my song. A letter from god. You can find iton youtube here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KnGNOiFll4
#8 by Scriibious Pip wtf on February 12, 2008 - 11:29 am
Why would he steal that from ur song?? and whats wrong with it ,you didnt copyright it so he may copy it…
*cough*piss off*cough*
#9 by Jasen on February 12, 2008 - 2:49 pm
Not exactly a rip from ‘A letter from God’, but a nice way to plug yourself, chum.
#10 by Cameron Battagler on February 13, 2008 - 12:38 am
I was really confused when I started reading this, I thought I wrote it for a bit…Then I realized two letters were off…
Cameron
#11 by silvana on February 13, 2008 - 7:24 am
hape
#12 by shenkie on February 13, 2008 - 5:07 pm
roflmao
#13 by shannon on February 14, 2008 - 3:52 am
hi ,
you ppl are RANDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#14 by Nikki.Stewart.x on February 14, 2008 - 8:30 am
Pretty Interesting Even Tho I Am Totally Baked!! xD
#15 by GOD on February 14, 2008 - 3:25 pm
I didnt make this convo my friend did his name is jacob, but you don’t need to know that trial infomation. Anyway i got to go i gotta create some extra time keep the world going.
#16 by anarchypower on February 14, 2008 - 7:14 pm
well yeah…There is No god.
#17 by god on February 15, 2008 - 7:28 pm
damn brown nosers made this fake too, including the comment above me >:(
#18 by TALIBAN on February 16, 2008 - 3:31 am
Fuck you Asshole if u dont believe on GOD than u dont need to create bullshits about GOD you have no rite to do that…i wish i could find you believe me im gona cut your head out of your Body. wana see me contact najla.roshan@live.com
#19 by Chris Battaglia on February 16, 2008 - 5:53 pm
I love you too, Taliban. You might want to think about finding a sense of humour. It’ll help you relax a little, and it might make you realize that I have every right to turn the abuse of spirituality that is religion and “GOD” into a source of entertainment.
If you want to cut my head off for something like this, then I’m glad I took down my cartoon of Muhammad. Who knows what you’d want to do if, god forbid, someone drew a fucking picture you didn’t agree with.
You are fucked in the head, and you are a big part of what is wrong with this world. When you decide to blow yourself up, please do everyone a favor and do it in the middle of nowhere. Good day.
#20 by Noud on February 22, 2008 - 11:05 am
This is really great. A innovative way to summarize most of the atheïst ideas.
#21 by Woah on February 24, 2008 - 8:09 am
Hey, Taliban, you may want to consider removing
that pole from your ass, that can’t be healthy :]
#22 by Zaphod on February 24, 2008 - 1:40 pm
heehee
very nice.
especially the douglas adams reference at the end. that made my day.
#23 by suuuuuuuuuuuuuushi on February 25, 2008 - 12:19 am
what is the email ID im dying to know
#24 by nontheist on February 27, 2008 - 6:00 am
Buddhists do not believe in a god of any kind….FAIL! also all this just to quote Douglas Adams? Kinda sad really.
#25 by Evilbelgian on February 27, 2008 - 7:34 am
His MSN Messenger is god@almighty.creator or you can sometimes catch him at god@god.god
I chat with him sometimes aswell, he can really get sadistic sometimes, your chatting with him and next thing you know your giving birth to a full grown chicken out of your ass.
#26 by Calymos on February 27, 2008 - 9:37 am
That made me smile.
Though, I do suppose that it would be interesting, albeit kind of useless, if “god” existed like that, you know? If “he” was just here to fuck around with everybody…
-shrugs- Too bad.
#27 by Maxwell on February 27, 2008 - 10:22 am
Fake
#28 by Ben on February 28, 2008 - 4:42 pm
I thought this post was hilarious and poignant as well.
I liked the section of the conversation where god says there is “something more out there” than themselves. Fate, god, enlightenment, heaven, etc., it’s all pointing to something bigger. But, that’s my take.
To throw some guesses at answers to questions posed in the comments:
Why wouldn’t God use AOL speak? The best way to communicate with a society is to use the language of that society. The Franciscan monks figured that out.
I don’t think it’s possible to say “all Buddhists believe this” because each person has a different interpretation and view on the philosophy/religion. Some believe in gods, or demons, or guardians, some do not.
And if a god was around to “fuck with us” for amusement? How could that be different than rulers who do the same thing?
Maybe I’m thinking too much about this, but I enjoyed this post.
#29 by God on February 28, 2008 - 9:15 pm
This was NOT me!
#30 by Mr Surbade on February 29, 2008 - 8:13 am
God exists because he said so.
#31 by Jen on February 29, 2008 - 9:41 am
Ben. . . Yeah.. It’s fake.. You fucking moron.
#32 by Jen on February 29, 2008 - 9:42 am
I meant Maxwell
Ben had a good comment 
#33 by deconditioner on February 29, 2008 - 2:21 pm
looks like an msm translation of Harry Stottle’s conversation http://www.fullmoon.nu/articles/art.php?id=tal
#34 by Chris Battaglia on March 1, 2008 - 7:26 pm
In response to some of the questions/remarks that have been made so far:
-Yes, this is fake. I did not actually have a conversation with god. This is a work of fiction; satire, if you will, poking fun at those who claim to speak with a higher power. I figured if they could put words in the mouth of a being so many are forced to respect through dogma, I could too. If anyone who read this truly thought I had an MSN conversation with an almighty deity, I feel sorry for you.
-To anyone saying I borrowed/adapted/stole from someone else, I’m afraid you’re mistaken. It’s not exactly like a conversation with god is the most original fictional premise to begin with. Just look at the Bible. The ideas and jokes in this piece are my own. It shouldn’t be a surprise that they are similar to those of some other people.
-The internet shorthand god uses is meant to be a running gag throughout the piece. That is its purpose. I thought it would be funny if god said “lol” after almost everything, and apparently I was right. I was not saying “this is how god would speak,” I was saying “wouldn’t it be funny if god spoke like a teenage girl who texts more than she talks.”
-I don’t care about the details of what Buddhists do or do not believe. It’s irrelevant. My point was that, as an atheist, I was the last kind of person god would look to talk to. Nothing more. nontheist, if I offended you by not delving into the intricacies of Buddhism before mentioning the religion in an offhand way, I suggest you take it up with someone who gives a shit. Or you could try finding a sense of humour.
-To everyone who enjoyed this piece, I’m glad you did.
Thank you all for the comments. All except TALIBAN, that is.
#35 by Steev on March 4, 2008 - 12:19 pm
God (may you be touched by his noodly appendage) you get some right whinging little shits commenting to anything now don’t you?
Nice post
(Even I assumed it was stolen from somewhere at first though)
#36 by Jeffitaph on March 4, 2008 - 1:31 pm
Funny!
#37 by sway. on November 18, 2008 - 9:59 pm
definitely enjoyed reading this, and im borderline Atheist, more-so agnostic. either way I found myself giggling at the shorthands, the references to battles carried out in his name, and the gays/katrina kick. good job. seriously.
#38 by Godlessblogger on January 26, 2009 - 5:20 pm
I liked this a lot. Good work here. I might just have to reference you on my blog!
#39 by Megs on February 15, 2009 - 10:49 pm
Speaking of God, if there was one it’s ironic because of all the sites on the internet I stumble upon this one; click the scroll bar to read a random comment and it happens to be from someone I used to go to school with.
But ignoring that fact—very good post.
#40 by singularity on May 8, 2009 - 11:38 am
Religion is basically killing each other to see who has got the better imaginary friend.
-Richard Jeni
#18
Taliban, it really sucks to be you. I’m so sorry.
#41 by Mike M. on June 22, 2009 - 8:35 pm
That’s a good read for sure
Funny Stuff!
#42 by Streetmakarov on August 15, 2009 - 5:05 am
Save Bookmark
#43 by blommer22 on January 14, 2010 - 10:31 pm
Hi,
Interesting post !
tickled by the idea that God speak to the atheis. well maybe true, he got bored too sometimes.
agree, that people shudnt hate others in the name of different prespective of God that they have.
finding the differences are always easier than finding the similarities. so be it.
cheers.