Archive for category Religion
Touchdown Jesus destroyed by lightning
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Religion on June 18, 2010
Meet Touchdown Jesus: a 62 ft tall, tacky-as-fuck display of Christian idolatry in Ohio. Touchdown Jesus cost $250,000 to build and was also known as “Big Butter Jesus,” which I can only assume is a reference to Jesus’ recent Elvis-like weight gain (Michael Jackson’s death hit him pretty hard).
The existence of Touchdown Jesus is funny enough on its own. But wait, it gets better:
That’s right: Touchdown Jesus burned to the ground after being struck by lightning.
Out of all of nature’s destructive forces, lightning has always been the easiest one to point to as an act of god, simply because it’s so specific. Rather than, say, flooding an entire blasphemous city, a bolt of lightning will only hit a tree, or a street light, or a six-storey statue of Jesus letting everyone know the extra point is good. Lightning is also so sudden and powerful, it seems supernatural. To someone who thinks positively charged ions were invented by devil-worshiping evolutionists, anything so directed and instantly destructive must be an act of god.
But why? Why would god strike down such an excessive and unintentionally farcical tribute to his bastard son? Maybe he felt that a quarter-million dollars is better-spent feeding hungry children or paying for their education. Maybe he has taste. Maybe he just doesn’t like football. Whatever the reason, the message was loud and clear:
Thanks, god.
TIFF Blog #3 – Religulous
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Entertainment, Religion on September 9, 2008
Maher 1, God 0
Bill Maher has balls. Serious balls. Whether or not you agree with what he has to say, whether you find him hilarious or utterly arrogant and annoying, you have to admit he must have quite the pair of big, brass balls. How else do you explain the comment he made just weeks after 9/11, pointing out the hypocrisy of calling the terrorists cowards when no one else dared question the patriotic party line. he was willing to lose his TV show for speaking his mind. You can’t help but admire the balls something like that requires.
Bill Maher’s balls
And that is why Maher is the perfect fit for a movie like Religulous, a tongue-in-cheek documentary examining the roots of people’s beliefs by sending Maher around the world to have conversations about faith with true believers of all stripes. Faith is a touchy subject. It’s also the source of much hatred and violence, and has been since mankind first looked to the stars and began dreaming up answers to life’s great questions. Many people will defend their beliefs to the death. Further still, some are more than willing to kill others just for having different beliefs. But that doesn’t seem to faze Maher, who is never afraid to take that extra step over the line to push the issue and force people to confront the contradictions of their faith, no matter how offensive they might find it. Maher pisses off more than a few people over the course of his Religulous journey, but he never loses his edge or backs down. He also never misses an opportunity for a good joke, taste and social etiquette be damned, which leads to more than a few cringe-worthy moments that had me laughing and tugging my collar at the same time.
One thing Religulous and Maher make perfectly clear over the course of the film is that their quarrel is not with personal faith, but rather with organized religion. Maher can’t understand why so many people follow institutions based entirely on unfounded claims and downright fabrications and focused solely on gaining power and wealth. His strongest criticism is of the contradictions in (and bastardizations of) the various holy texts. It’s both fascinating and funny watching people staunchly defend these books they believe in, even as it becomes painfully obvious Maher knows more about the texts than they do.
Maher’s two main targets are the patriotic evangelical movement in the U.S. and Muslim extremism. He does touch on the absurdities in Judaism, including an interview with an anti-Zionist Jew, but his focus is clearly elsewhere. At first glance this appears unbalanced, but the film explains this choice with a simple population statistic: Christians? more than 1 billion worldwide, Muslims? more than 1 billion, Jews? 14 million. Worldwide. In the Q&A following the film, director Larry Charles addressed this subject by pointing out that the only reason Judaism still plays a major role on the world religious stage is because of its connections with Christianity and Islam.
The documentary is expertly directed and pieced together by Charles, who was also the man behind the camera for Borat and is cementing himself as one of the premier guerrilla comedy directors of our time. Charles’ pacing is spot-on, which is crucial for a film like this, and he clearly understands that the way to best bring out the comedy in both Borat and Religulous is to display the candid nature of the ridiculous situations. In Religulous, he achieves this through the sporadic inclusion of B-roll footage and angles where other cameras and boom mics are clearly visible. There are also a couple of moments when he gets some help from his surroundings, but I won’t spoil those for you. You’ll know them when you see them, and trust me: you’ll laugh.
The crowning achievement of Religulous is its ability to generate laughs from almost every single moment and situation. Each interview is strip-mined for punchlines that Maher may have missed during the fact, which are then inserted in post-production using stock footage or subtitles. It becomes very clear very fast that Religulous is not about to hold anything back, but it’s hard not to at least appreciate the humour that the film finds in blind faith. I’ll admit that I’m approaching this film from an entirely secular perspective, and I’ve never felt the need to hold back in my own criticism of religion, but even believers should be able to laugh at the contradictions and absurdities Religulous unearths.
Religulous ends on a far more serious and bone-chilling note when Maher gets up on his soapbox and pleads with the world to abandon the superstitions and abuses of organized religion so we can move forward as a species before we destroy ourselves over imagined deities. It is a preachy ending, but Maher’s fear is real. Thanks to nuclear weapons, we now have the ability to wipe ourselves off the face of the planet and we have shown time and time again that we are willing to slaughter those different from us simply because we believe our view of the world is the only correct one. It is a sobering, somber reminder of the real threat irrationality without self-reflection (and without a sense of humour) poses to the world, and it makes you think twice about what some of the people Maher interviewed were really trying to say.
The Monday Thought – VIII: God’s House
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Monday Thought, Religion on March 26, 2007
If church really is God’s house, why doesn’t he shovel the sidewalk in the winter? It’s the least he could do. I mean, it’s not like he’s paying rent or anything.
The Monday Thought – III: Jesus
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Monday Thought, Religion on February 19, 2007
If I had known people were going to constantly remind me that Jesus died for my sins, I never would have let him do it.
My Conversation With God
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Images, Politics, Religion on May 16, 2006
god says: oi
cbattaglia says: hey there
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: ?
god says: u know who i am?
cbattaglia says: sure. you’re the big cheese
god says: lmao, got that right
cbattaglia says: what’s up?
god says: nothing much. u?
cbattaglia says: same
god says: …so, got any questions for me?
cbattaglia says: i guess… is that why you’re talking to me?
god says: sure. lol
cbattaglia says: ok. well, i guess the biggest one right now would be: why are you talking to me?
god says: why not?
cbattaglia says: seems kind of random. i mean, i don’t even believe in you. usually you appear to people who already preach about you 24/7
god says: yeah… i’m kind of tired of those guys. they’re mostly brown-nosers and spin doctors, so i figured i’d try something different today
cbattaglia says: is that why you’re using MSN, instead of the preferred “visions” methods?
god says: how do you know this isn’t just a vision?
cbattaglia says: …touche, god.
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: but seriously, why me: an atheist? why not a Muslim or Buddhist or Hindu?
god says: y would i appear before them? i’m looking for a change here. they already believe in me
cbattaglia says: how so?
god says: at the core, all spiritual beliefs are the same. they’re about knowing deep down that there is something more out there, some sort of presence, and framework, guiding a universe that feels too complex to be random
cbattaglia says: i see, but they all believe different things…
god says: the core is the same, and that core is me. to some, i am more than one being. to others, i have more eyes or limbs. some even believe that i have no physically recognizable form. the interpretations may vary, but my existence is constant
cbattaglia says: ok, but if this is true, why all the fighting in hatred done in your name? it’s kind of pointless if they’re all fighting for the same side
god says: lol, don’t go pinning that on me. and yes, it’s completely pointless. the fact that they commit these atrocities in my name pisses me off to no end
cbattaglia says: then why don’t you stop it?
god says: because that’s not how i roll. i’m not the babysitter of earth, or any of the other planets. the reason i gave u guys free will was so that i wouldn’t have to hold ur hand all the time. i have a life too, y’know
cbattaglia says: ok, makes sense
cbattaglia says: wait… other planets? do those planets have life?
god says: of course! lmao y wouldn’t i put life on other planets? u guys aren’t my 1 special little project. and i must say, u aren’t the best of the bunch, either. not the worst, but…
cbattaglia says: hehe, i bet
god says: anyway, like i was saying, i don’t enjoy being attached to the causes of everyone who craves comfort, power, validation, etc, but i can’t really blame them. false security is the warmest blanket there is. i do hate it when i’m held responsible for nature’s stuff though. that shit is on autopilot. it just works with what it’s given
cbattaglia says: so gays didn’t cause you to make Katrina?
god says: lol no, and what’s with people attaching me to their views on gays? i have no problem with them. what i do have a problem with is my name being used to mask personal insecurities
cbattaglia says: doesn’t it say something in the bible about homosexuality being wrong?
god says: i didn’t write that thing. lol this is what i was talking about earlier: the spin doctors. i may be at the core of all spirituality, but everything that branches off of that isn’t from me
cbattaglia says: i see… so you don’t endorse any “holy” texts?
god says: lmao! NO! do u know how many times those things have been translated, interpreted and re-written to include or exclude certain passages??? i’m pretty sure there’s even a story out there about my son making a trip to Utah. it’s like a plot for a bad teen movie. i don’t even have a son. lol
cbattaglia says: wow. interesting. so jesus wasn’t yours?
god says: …no, and i won’t pay the child support, either. mary’s just trying to cash in on the lie
cbattaglia says: so all of this stuff that happens, everything done in your name, it’s all bullshit?
god says: well, i’ll be honest: no. i do enjoy screwing around with the brown-nosers a bit to see where they’ll take it. like, i’ll appear for some believer all important-sounding with a quest that really has no meaning, and sit back while the drama unfolds. it’s pretty funny
cbattaglia says: that’s a little petty for the almighty, no?
god says: hey, i get bored too. u guys r my tv. lol
god says: if u think that’s bad, u should see what i’ve done to other places…
cbattaglia says: i don’t think i want to know
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: one thing i would like to know, though, is what happens when we die
god says: u die
cbattaglia says: …and?
god says: that’s it
cbattaglia says: oh
god says: lol, don’t worry, reality is a tricky thing. u still technically live on in the hearts and minds of those who knew u, so u’re not completely gone, if u catch my drift
cbattaglia says: i think i do… sort of
god says: lol
god says: i g2g
cbattaglia says: ok, cool, but just so you know: i still don’t believe in you
god says: oh? why not?
cbattaglia says: because our conversation here proves you exist, yet (as referenced by Douglas Adams) you refused to ever do that, because “proof denies faith, and without faith, i am nothing.”
god says: oh, right… lol
*god has signed off
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