Archive for category Fake News
Nazis Sue O’Reilly for Equating Them to “Sissy Liberal Bloggers”
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Fake News, Politics on August 26, 2007
Bill O’Reilly, popular Fox News pundit and host of The O’Reilly Factor, has been accused of slander by a neo-Nazi group, who is suing for damages.
The lawsuit comes on the heels of O’Reilly’s recent remarks about Daily Kos, a partisan political blog site. On his show, O’Reilly has repeatedly called Daily Kos “Nazis,” and said that the community is “like the Klu Klux Klan.” These comparisons have had a tremendously negative affect on the image of Nazi groups everywhere, according to the class-action suit.
“My clients rightly feel that being compared to the liberal sissies at dailykos.com is nothing short of slander,” George Steinman, the prosecuting lawyer, told reporters outside the courthouse. “Bill O’Reilly’s reckless use of the Nazi label has cost my clients dearly, and they are now seeking appropriate compensation.”
“After all, the worst these bloggers have done is write emotionally-charged political opinion pieces. They have never attempted to do something like slaughter millions of people based purely on race or creed. Comparing them to Nazis completely undermines the serious and significant historical role of the Nazis in the twentieth century.”
“Daily Kos has an open comment system,” Steinman added. “Freedom of expression is to Nazism what tinned sardines are to cheesecake: it’s just not one of the ingredients.”
This suit is not the only legal trouble O’Reilly has faced in recent years. In 2004, a former producer of his show filed a sexual harassment complaint against him. That case was settled out of court, but was then used as evidence in a civil suit brought a few months later by has-been comedian Carrot Top, who claimed O’Reilly was unlawfully attempting to become the biggest douche in the continental USA, a title the former prop comic had held for some time.
Reaction to this latest lawsuit has been mixed. While the bloggers at Daily Kos are happy to see O’Reilly getting sued, they are “slightly off-put” by the context of the lawsuit, according to the post of one blogger known as “liberalflower682.”
“I kind of wish the Nazis had been a little nicer to us,” the post read, “but what do you expect? They’re Nazis. They’re nothing like us.”
Comments on the post included suggestions that “they [the Nazis] just need a hug,” and “OMG bush is a idiot lol!!1”
A spokesperson for the Klu Klux Klan said the group was considering joining the class-action suit, noting that the Klan has a lot in common with the Nazis, including their hatred for “liberal blog websites like the Daily Kos.” The spokesperson added that the Klan was shocked by O’Reilly’s remarks, because they had always considered him a friend.
O’Reilly could not be reached for comment.
New Study Links Marijuana to Kennedy Assassination
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Fake News, Politics on August 26, 2007
According to a new study commissioned by the National Society of Families for Drug Awareness and Education and Families, marijuana played a large role in the assassination of John F. Kennedy, the thirty-fifth President of the United States.
The study, released yesterday, revealed that “many ties” had been found between the THC-producing herb often smoked at rock concerts and what many consider to be the day America lost its innocence.
“After very careful and thorough analysis of the information we gathered, it was obvious that pot played a role [in the assassination],” announced Gregory Boyd, the head of the research team behind the study. “There is no doubt in my mind that marijuana killed JFK.”
Anti-drug groups such as the NSFDAEF are pointing to the study as proof that marijuana is a very dangerous drug that poses a grave threat to society.
“How many more Presidents have to die before people realize that pot is not harmless?” asked NSFDAEF spokesperson Leonard Colby. “It’s what we’ve been saying all along: Weed Kills.”
The NSFDAEF has joined forces with Families for National Drug Control and the American Family Morality Council of Moral American Families to promote the findings of the study. Numerous ad campaigns are already underway, with more planned in the future.
“We at the NSFDAEF feel these campaigns will have a much better effect on public opinion than our past attempts at linking marijuana to terrorism and dead children.” Colby said. “With this study, I believe we have found our own magic bullet.”
Marijuana legalization supporters have called the study “ludicrous” and “biased,” claming that the results of the study were tainted by the agenda of the group that commissioned it. Colby dismissed these allegations as the desperate ramblings of a fringe minority.
“Those people will do anything to legalize their death plant,” he said. “They’ve even gone so far as to claim that marijuana is not chemically addictive, has medicinal merits, and is less dangerous than alcohol or cigarettes. Have you ever heard anything so absurd?”
Harry Potter iPhone Causes Marketing Implosion
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Entertainment, Fake News on July 23, 2007
Disaster struck at a press conference earlier today, where a new iPhone themed to the Harry Potter novel series was set to be unveiled. The new product, a combination of two of the most heavily-marketed items in recent memory, imploded under the extreme weight of its own marketing potential, injuring several and causing quite a panic in the advertising and marketing communities.
“We were worried this day would come,” admitted Greg Stephens, President and CEO of Allied Marketers and Advertisers Inc. “Simply put: the product had too much buzz and spin stacked on top of it to hold up. The laws of marketing tell us there’s only so much you can claim about a single product before something like this happens.”
“Apple and Scholastic just got greedy,” he added.
The iPhone, billed as a 3-in-1 portable solution to all your technological needs, has been flying off the shelves to much fanfare since its launch in late June. Likewise, the last novel in the Harry Potter series has sold millions of copies since its release last Friday, the culmination of months of heavy advertising on billboards, radio, TV, busses, newspapers, and that spot on your back you just can’t reach no matter how hard you try.
The combination of the two marketing behemoths into the Harry Potter iPhone would create a product that is a phone, an iPod, an internet communications device, and a novel that would simultaneously make everyone’s lives easier, save the printed word by engaging a whole new generation of readers, and end world hunger somehow. According to Mr. Stephens, this much hype on one single piece of electronics is a recipe for disaster.
“You have to spread out your outrageous and exaggerated claims of excellence. This is an even bigger disaster than Kraft Dinner’s ‘Nutritious, Delicious, and Coniferous’ campaign of the late 90’s.”
Neither Apple, makers of the iPhone, nor Scholastic, publishers of the Harry Potter series, could be reached for comment.
Those injured by the implosion were taken to a nearby hospital, and none of the injuries appear to be serious. Still, says Karen Goldthwaite, a reporter who attended the press conference, companies need to be more responsible to ensure this doesn’t happen again.
“This is the third time in my career I’ve been put in danger by the launch of an over-hyped product combination. There was the Tickle-me Macarena, Y2Viagra, and now this. Something needs to change.”
Slow News Day
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Fake News, Links on June 15, 2007
http://slownewsday.wordpress.com/
Slow News Day is a news satire site I have created. It will mainly consist of fake news briefs poking fun at current events. Like ChrisBattaglia.com, Slow News Day won’t shy away from controversial topics. No person or topic will be considered sacred; everything’s in play.
Here’s a small sample of what you’ll find on Slow News Day:
Remaining Weapons Will Be Given to U.S. Troops
“Once every Iraqi militant is adequately armed, we will begin doing the same with our own troops,” said a Pentagon spokesperson.“Soon, our troops will have the same body armor the Iraqis now have, provided there is any left.”
Hamas Declares Jihad on Everyone who isn’t Hamas
Most of the world’s Muslim population outside of Hamas has strongly condemned the group’s Jihad, calling it an extreme perversion of Islam and claiming Hamas does not speak for Allah or actual Muslims. Hamas responded to this criticism by declaring smaller, more personal Jihads on everyone who has criticized them.
Read more at Slow News Day.
Holocaust Denier Denies Denying Holocaust
Posted by Chris Battaglia in Fake News on May 29, 2007
While holocaust denier Jerry Stenson does not believe in the holocaust, he vehemently denies that he has ever stated so publicly.
“It’s simply not true,” Stenson stated from the front porch of his suburban Virginia home. “I have never denied the holocaust, even though it never happened.”
Stenson claims that the media is to blame for his image as a holocaust denier, a label he would never apply to himself.
“The mainstream media is so quick to demonize anyone who doesn’t agree with their bias. After all, it’s run by ‘them.’ ‘They’ control the world.”
Stenson later clarified that, by ‘they,’ he meant people with money. He would not elaborate further.
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